He is Faithful

This last weekend was tough for me......we had 3 alpacas die in a matter of 2 days...for various reasons.
One cria didn't have the stamina to survive the winter because his mom was really sick (she humanely euthanized later), and supplementation for a male cria who isn't 'worth' the $300 to give a plasma transfer to is difficult.

After doing what we could for him this last week to try to perk him up, he died Saturday morning. Then, Friday afternoon, I found my prized cria-Khinah, hypothermic for no apparent reason, and doing everything short of giving her an IV (which I was about to do), she died Saturday afternoon.

In that alone, I was at peace. What did Job (1:20-21) say after he had lost all of his (10) children??

"Then Job arose.....and worshipped (God), and said, "...the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD."

(Notice that he worshipped God...looking at the original Hebrew text, we find that that means he knelt down all the way to the ground in reverence to God. What an motivating response to an tremendous trial.)

Of course, living on a ranch, these things are bound to happen, and you learn to accept them as part of life, and are comforted, knowing that God is walking with you during it all.

Though I was at peace with all that happened, it brought up past memories....memories of finding out my first horse-Molly had a neurological disease and making the extremely difficult decision to donate her to WSU for research.

Memories of then, after finding the horse of my dreams-Raphya (meaning "healer") and later breeding her to the perfect stallion for an unmatchable foal, I lost both Raphya and her unborn filly-Ruhamah (meaning "having obtained mercy") (and $3500 down-the-drain ;p), suddenly without any known cause.

Ruhamah - my dream

Memories of alpaca crias, like Snowflake, who was born 3 weeks early, and would have most assuredly died if I hadn't spent the first 2 days of her life out there in the barn, stimulating and tube feeding her (which proved to be necessary) to keep her alive, and even eating and sleeping out there with her. After 4 months of investing all my energies and money into my 'baby' (I was literally her mom), she suddenly died (waiting to die in my arms), without any explanation.

Memories of what were once my specialty....my Nubians....like Mercy, who born in frigid January, got pneumonia, and was literally house-raised...and to this day, is the only goat who has ever slept in my bed (in our house) with me. Because of her ailing lungs and wracking cough, she couldn't get any sleep at night (and neither could I ;p), unless her head was on my head touching my face. Then she was fine. Unfortunately, a person who was feeding her one morning, accidentally got it in her lungs, which proved fatal, even though we tried thorough CPR on her (in every way, besides the AED/Defibrilator ;p).

After 2 years since Raphya's death (the newest and in some ways hardest), I thought I was over it all. But the bittersweet memories are still there, and since memories will never leave (usually ;p), there will be tender feelings at times.

Suddenly, feelings arose that hadn't raised their ugly heads for nearly 2 years.....why did God let Raphya die? Why after He gave me such promises of what Ruhamah was going to be...my dream...for roping, riding, ranching, etc. suddenly go down the drain? Why did my horse allergies have to get so bad after we got out of horses, so that when I ride a horse, I get asthma so bad that I'm out of commission for months? Why didn't he allow me to get another horse when they were once my passion?

Silently and sometimes subconsciously fighting all these feelings, God overwhelmed my spirit with peace. Look what He has given me!?! He has directed my paths to something different for the time being....having a horse wouldn't fit in with medical studies and mission work at this point in time. He also divulged to me that though that is not what He has in His plans for me right now, that does not necessarily mean that I will not live my dream of raising horses and cattle, sometime in the future.

Through all this, He directed my eyes to Him. He wants me to gaze on His face and not be distracted with worldly goods. I am His...His Pure Princess Full of Hope (oh Father, let it be!! Make me to know what that really means to You!!).

Most of this I didn't even fully realize was going on until last night, when I was talking to a dear friend of mine (what Paul called an 'aged woman'--in Titus 2:3--which in in Hebrew also literally means 'ambassador' [which according to the 1812 Dictionary means: "An official messenger and representative"]...what a wonderful thing!), who I look up to as my personal mentor, and was so very encouraged in the Lord through her. Praise God for His goodness.

As usual, God brought these verses to mind/in my personal devotions, and what a fortification they are!

Yet the LORD will command His lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night His song shall be with me, and my prayer unto the God of my life. I will say unto God my Rock, "Why hast Thou forgotten me? Why go I mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?" 

As with a sword in my bones, mine enemies reproach me; while they say daily unto me, 'Where is thy God?' Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? 

Hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise Him, Who is the health of my countenance, and my God.

~ Psalms 42:8-11 ~

The LORD is my strength and song, and is become my salvation. I will praise Thee: for Thou hast heard me, and art become my salvation. This is the LORD's doing; it is marvellous in our eyes. 

This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. Thou art my God, and I will praise Thee: Thou art my God, I will exalt Thee. O give thanks unto the LORD; for He is good: for His mercy endureth for ever.

~ Psalms 118:14, 21, 23-24, 28-29 ~

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth. The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.

~ Psalms 121:1-2, 8 ~

He also brought the following 2 songs to mind:

Maker of this heart of mine, You know me very well

You understand my deepest thought, more than I know myself

So when I face the darkness, when I need to find my way

I trust in You, Shepherd of my heart

Keeper of this heart of mine, Your patience has no end

You've loved me back into Your arms, time and time again

So if I start to wander, like the lamb that goes astray

I'll trust in You, Shepherd of my heart

You're the beacon of my night, You're the sunlight of my days

I can rest within Your arms, I can know Your loving ways

So let the cold winds blow and let the storms range all around

I trust in You, Shepherd of my heart

Giver of this life in me, You're what I'm living for

For all my deepest gratitude You love me even more

So as I walk through darkness, listening for the Master's call

I'll trust in You, Shepherd of my heart

I have a shelter in the storm when troubles pour upon me

Though fears are rising like a flood my soul can rest securely

O Jesus, I will hide in You--my place of peace and solace

No trial is deeper than Your love that comforts all my sorrows

I have a shelter in the storm when all my sins accuse me

Though justice charges me with guilt, Your grace will not refuse me

O Jesus, I will hide in You--who bore my condemnation

I find my refuge in Your wounds, for there I find salvation

I have a shelter in the storm when constant winds would break me

For in my weakness, I have learned Your strength will not forsake me

O Jesus, I will hide in You--the One who bears my burdens

With faithful hands that cannot fail, You'll bring me home to heaven

I pray this post is as much a blessing to you reading it (if you could get through it all ;p), as it was to me writing it. OUR GOD IS SO FAITHFUL!!!! IT IS OVERWHELMING!!! Come before Him this Thanksgiving with hearts of praise.

Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all ye lands. Serve the LORD with gladness: come before His presence with singing. Know ye that the LORD, He is God: it is He that hath made us and not we ourselves; we are His people, and the sheep of His pasture. 

Enter into His gates with Thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise: be thankful unto Him, and bless His name. For the LORD is good; His mercy is everlasting; and His truth endureth to all generations.

~ Psalms 100 ~